If you ask someone what their major is, and they respond with one of the above, immediately drop your beer on the floor and grind your foot into the broken glass because THAT is way more fucking fun than listening to these insufferable cumshits blahblahblah about whatever “ambitions” they fucking have.
Most of these undergrads are just doing this because their Stepford mom wants something to brag about in the annual Christmas letter, but some of them actually think that an undergrad in Law will somehow prepare them for the LSAT, when really, just casually fucking a philosophy major a couple times a week is WAY better prep.
And even if you do end up with a 1937483758 score on the LSAT and get into Harvard Law or whatever, you really want to BE A FUCKING ATTORNEY? You know these people work 4000 hours a week (plus pro bono!) while their significant others get assfucked by Filipino pool boys and their kids grow up to be the worst fucking dogshit excuse for humans? GAH! What is wrong with you? Oh, you think bringing justice to the world is your fucking calling? Excuse me while I go find some more glass, this time to scrape out my eyes because they are getting sore from ROLLING SO HARD.